I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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