tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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