bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
is it fun? or sober?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
