what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
