you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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