Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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