i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
