The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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