Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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