it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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