In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
