Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize