You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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