I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
