I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
