if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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