well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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