If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
God gave him joint rollers for hands
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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