mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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