He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
