you didnt know i had herpes?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
