i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
