yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Even my vagina gasped.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
