Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
