Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
