I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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