Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
