Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
