I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
