He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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