Walk of Shame. In a state park.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
