I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Text me some of your sweat
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
