After last night, I could never be a politician.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
