well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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