i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Floor bacon is actually really good
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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