Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize