She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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