Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
