fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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