what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
