You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
