So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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