I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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