I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
