I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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