I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
