I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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