you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
