Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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