I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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