It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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