The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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