Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
