Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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