Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
