'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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