I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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