I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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