Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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