I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm always down for nudity.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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