that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
