office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize