I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
don't judge my taste in strippers
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
