I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
