Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
