Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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