So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
