Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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