I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
