You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
