i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
