do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
