i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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