you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
