I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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