And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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