I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
