It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize