How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
