I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
