remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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