Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
